Self Reflection #1 - Compassion

Scripture I'm reflecting on:  Colossians 3:12
     "Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."

*Note - I had a hard time understanding what was meant by "tenderhearted mercy" for some reason, so I looked up other translations and it seems like most of them use compassion in that spot.  I tend to understand that meaning a little better, so that is what I used below.

Background for next few reflections:
This verse will probably be the first in a series of devotions I do on this verse, and maybe chapter 3 in general.

I have been spending a little extra time in prayer lately, and keep getting stuck, for some random reason, on an interesting thought/fact/revelation.  Not really sure why because it's not at all what I intend to pray about, but the fact I keep coming back to it makes me believe that its on my heart for a reason, so I'm attempting to address it in part by writing about it.  Bear with my thoughts, as I'm not sure how much it will even make sense outside of my brain.

My reflection is on the difference in my social life among those who are strong Christians and those who are not.  "Huh?" you probably say.  Bear with me.  The reason I used "strong Christians" is because in my group of close friends that I grew up with, many are in fact Christians.  It is however not as big a part of their life as friends that I have met through school (both where I am now and where I went to High School), which is why I make the separation.  "Strong" may be a poor choice of words, but hopefully you get the point.  What's am I telling you all this for?  Again bear with me...

As I said, my reflection is in how different my social life is in these two groups.  Within the "social circles" of my friends growing up, I was the person everyone got along with.  Everyone talked to me.  Everyone came to me first if they wanted to get something off their chest.  There really wasn't anything I didn't know about my friends, because everyone shared everything with me.  This didn't just apply to my really close friends, but even people I didn't see that much.   However, both in high school when I transferred to a Catholic High School, and now at Christian University, this couldn't be more opposite.  I don't engage in a lot of conversations.  Rarely (if ever) has someone came to talk to me about anything more than pleasantries.  I could go on and on with the comparisons, but that's not really the point.  I don't really no what to make of it.  Do I not fit in with Christians?  Do I personally act differently in the two groups?  Are all these thought just loony?  I don't really know.  A few years ago, I ran into some high school "acquantinces" (not sure what word to use, but friends would be overstating it).  Long story short, one of them confessed that I put out a vibe of someone who didn't want to be bothered, didn't want to be approached.  The exact words slip my memory, but they basically were telling me that there first impression of me wasn't one of "friendliness."  I didn't think much of this at the time, because I thought it was the farthest thing from the truth.  I was "The Friendly Guy" everywhere else in my life.  I was the person who could fit in with all the "cliques", all the "social circles."  But was there something to this line.  Was I acting differently when I went to Catholic School.  I dont know.

There may be something to my perceptions.  There may be absolutely nothing.  There may be something way deeper than I even know about about.  Again, this is not really the point, but I think it helps you understand where I'm coming from going forward.  

The point (yes I'm there), is it has made me really evaluate whether I am acting in the way God commands me to act?  It's easy for me to write about how I'm a full believer now, its easy to say I'm walking in the light, walking in God's glory, it's easy for me to "proclaim" such things, but am I acting it out like I'm supposed to?  I realized as I asked myself these questions, I really don't know.  My initial answer was, of course I am, but I dont know, am I?  The last couple of weeks have been particular downers for me, and I wonder during this time if I have started acting in a way that would displease God, that doesn't live up to his expectations.  So I made one of my few wise decisions this week and turned to the Bible and this verse is where he led me.

Reflection:
Instead of just breezing through the reading like I find myself doing from time to time, I have decided to take this verse (which really stuck out to me), and break it down word by word.  The word I am focusing on in this specific reflection on, is compassion.

"Compassion - a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering."

Compassion I think is particularly notable for men to reflect on (don't worry, I'll focus on women when I get to the patience reflection.......(jk).....kinda.....:).  I was actually a little surprised when I went to find this definition.  For some reason I associated compassion with something happy, something pleasant.  But it's not really (starting to realize why my SAT verbal score was so bad).  It's how we should act when others need our love, need our support, need our understanding.  I used to value myself as the best listener.  Patient.  Understanding.  Able to relate to anyone and any circumstance.  I attributed this to why so many people chose me to talk too.  But as I reflect on that, I ask myself, am I really this person?  I want to believe I am, but can I say so for sure?

My typical response to someone telling me about a problem in their life is to provide a quick fix.  I can't imagine I am the only male that does this.  There seems to be a natural inclination to "pull out the toolbox" and try to fix everything right away.  But this isn't compassion.  This isn't helping someone who's in "deep" sorrow.  People want to know that you understand what they are going through.  That you sympathize with them.  That you will pray for them.  They don't want to hear about what they should have done to fix the issue.  They don't want to hear about what they could have done to "not be feeling that way."  They want COMPASSION.

I have seen divorces from every angle.  I've seen them through my work in family law, through my closest friends parents, and through relatives.  Running through my closest 15 friends growing up, I realize the sad truth that 9 of them had parents who have divorced (which I believe even more sadly is not too far off from the national average).  Through these observations, I have seen two main reasons why almost every divorce goes down.  The #1 reason I'll save for a different devotion, as it's one I have some pretty strong feelings about.  But the #2 reason boils down to communication issues, and ultimate breakdowns.  Somewhere along the way, couples seem to either stop communicating, stop communicating genuinely, or go about engaging in negative communication, which all lead to bigger issues.  I think this issue of compassion, is one of the major centerpieces of these issues.

A little compassion can go along way in maintaining a healthy relationship.  A wife needs to know they can go to their husband (vice versa) with their problems and receive GENUINE COMPASSION.  When you cannot find compassion from your spouse, opportunities arise for marriage breakdowns.  Whether the result is turning to someone else for compassion (refer back to reason #1 to be addressed later), building up feeling of animosity towards your spouse, or just going into a bad mental state, a lack of compassion will ultimately lead to BAD issues if unaddressed.

Final Thought:
A general final thought to all of these next few devotions will be the same.  Put yourself in someone else's shoes.  What do I want when I am feeling down?  I want someone to tell me they understand.  I want someone to tell me its going to be ok.  I want to know I have that person's prayers.  I don't want to hear what I should have done to avoid this.  What I could have done better?  Sure there's times to give and receive advice.  But you have to pick these times appropriately, and immediately telling someone this who comes to you with sorrow is not the right decision.

Visualize the emotions of other's before try to console then.  When you can truly understand what they are feeling, it will go along way in your ability to console and help them.


Prayer:  Lord, give me the guidance to see the emotions of others, and genuinely understand what they are going through so I can give them the support they need.